Have you ever been stressed or frustrated? Do you ever feel hopeless or guilty? Do you sometimes think "why bother"? Have you ever been smiling on the outside while plotting a war on the inside? If you answered yes to any (or all) of these questions, you may be suffering from SSS (should/shouldn't syndrome)?SSS is the condition when you believe someone should or shouldn't act in a certain way. Each year, SSS is known to cause irrational and sometimes emotional behavior in millions of otherwise healthy people. SSS is easy to treat once it's diagnosed. See if you can diagnose the SSS in the following case study.Victoria has been working for 1.5 years for Joe who is a busy vp. Victoria deals with Joe mostly by email and phone because Joe is usually out of the office. Victoria takes pride in her work, and she regularly stays late to finish tasks that Joe needs for the next day. The only recognition Joe has ever given Victoria is a flower bouquet on assistant's day. His emails and messages don't include "please" and "thank you," just "do this by..." So far, Victoria has complained to her friends and family, but not to Joe. She is starting to look for a new job because she is so miserable.Can you spot the SSS?1. What should or shouldn't is Victoria suffering from?2. What symptoms is Victoria experiencing?3. What treatment would you recommend to Victoria?See if your diagnosis matches the one Victoria got from her coach at develup.1. Victoria suffers from "my boss should appreciate me and say please/thank you."2. Victoria's symptoms are: stress, hurt, frustration, and hopelessness.3. Victoria's treatment was:a.Make a choice about staying or going and make a list of specific measurable ways for Joe to give appreciationb.Write a script to use with Joe asking for what she wants (she chose to stay)c.Practice the script with a buddy and in the mirrord.Set an appointment with Joe sometime after lunche.Prepare a list of up to 7 tasks she wished she was appreciated for and a list of up to 7 ways for Joe to do the appreciatingf.Talk to Joeg.Reward Joe whenever he appreciates her by thanking him for being a great bossSee if you can spot Tom's SSS.Tom is a successful outside sales representative. His territory is about 50 square miles, so Tom is out the door by 8 to start his rounds. Each day Tom returns home around 7, starts snapping at his wife and is short with his kids. All Tom can talk about are the countless idiot drivers. His top complaints are people who drive slow in the fast lane and people holding their cell phones while driving. Because Tom's territory is in a sprawling city with many highways, he sits in traffic for 1/3 of his day. Last week Tom saw his doctor; Tom has high blood pressure, an ulcer, and frequent headaches.1. What should or shouldn't is Tom suffering from?2. What symptoms is Tom experiencing?3. What treatment would you recommend to Tom?Tom's coach at develup prescribed the following.1. Tom suffers from "people should learn how to drive: move out of fast lane and get a headset for their phones.2. Tom's symptoms are anger, stress, passive-aggressive behavior, and fatigue (plus the physiological symptoms).3. Any outcome in life is the combination of 2 factors: circumstance and reaction to circumstance. Tom has 2 choices, he can change the circumstance, or change his reaction to it. Since changing the circumstance would require a move to a new city or job, Tom chose option b. To help him succeed, Tom's coach at develop suggests the following treatment plan:a.Purchase entertaining and educational audio programs to listen to in the carb.Set-up a portable filing system to file paperwork when stopped in traffic which saves him time laterc.Purchase a quality map or GPS (global positioning system) to find new routes when accidents occur. Use internet software (randmcnally.com) to plot appointments allowing minimum drive time as much as possibled.Have wife and children write notes to Tom saying, "We love a happy daddy!" Keep notes in the glove box for inspiratione.Pack workout clothes and use gym membership during the day to blow off steamf.To provide motivation for staying on track, stop at a pharmacy and check blood pressure when he feels he's being caught in the reactiong.Celebrate with family and friends when he makes progressTerri Sinclair is an internationally recognized trainer, coach and owner of develup. Check out her free tipsheet for answers to common communication challenges: http://develup.biz/html/rsacommunication.html
Terri can be reached at (401) 207-4480 or mail to:coach@develup.biz
Keyword : coaching, stress, emotions, life balance, choice, responsibility, communication, should, shouldn't
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