Through working with myself and many, many others, I have come to find a theory that helps me to better come to terms with how pain shapes our lives.Developmentally, in broad strokes, the first ten or so years of our lives are spent trying to "size up," get a sense of what the world is that we have been born in to. Not only are we trying out our "earth suits," which, if you've ever watched an infant getting used to being in the confines of skin, you'll understand, but we are coming to terms with the nature of the world around us. What is this world, and who are we in it?They say that the "power of reason" takes root some time around our tenth year, when we begin to fully realize that we are a separate entity and that the actions we take have consequences. We appear to not know this very well intellectually before this time. Whatever impressions we get of the consequences of our actions (translated as being completely ourselves) get imbedded more viscerally, either physically or energetically.It is at this point of burgeoning self-awareness and consciousness that we make a few decisions, and those decisions are, "This is what the world is. This is what my life is. This is how things go." This filter, or mode of interpretation, persists throughout our lives.For children who grow up in a largely safe and supportive environment, the most important understanding that expresses itself throughout the rest of their lives is that the world is, at least, something flexible upon which they can have an effect. They are more akin to growing up with the tree's innate awareness that bending with, rather than fighting against, assures longevity.For those of us who have been more traumatized, however, that understanding is considerably different. Years of self-help related work has shown me that the biggest stumbling blocks of my life fall into the category of my having embraced the view that the world I knew as a six year old--a world full of fear, self-protection, solitude, distrust, and chaos--is the world. Period.Today, as I work with others--and continue to work with myself--I see the biggest challenge is in working with what is, rather than reacting in the moment to what was.The reason for this being such a difficult thing to shake is that, at the time, our very survival depended upon our working with that world as we knew it. There was no other world. If you took the chance to gamble on there being a different type of world, chances are, at the age of six or so, you would be violently thrust right back into the world as you thought it was.A continuous cycle of reinforcement ensues. Once the outward circumstances change, as in getting old enough to move out of the abusive situation, there is a tendency to seek out that which you know so well. The impression of that world got in largely non-verbally and viscerally, and the rate of recovery is proportional to the amount of time that we spend in that other, more safe and supportive world.The glitch here is the innate desire to duplicate the familiar. There is not a one of us who has not been able to find a shred of security within the context of the traumatic worlds that we have been born into. Even what others would describe as horrors are often interpreted as sources of love. In my case, for example, for years I pursued relationships most adamantly where I sensed I would not get my touch needs met. The energy of my mother, as painful as it was, was what I understood as love. There was no other. There is no other, until I learn, by repeated exposure, that there is. And that takes time.Oddly enough, this is of great comfort to me. Now, I know what I'm working with--both in myself and in others.Russ Reina shares over 35 years of experience in the healing arts through his web site http://mauihealingartist.com
It is a potent resource for those wishing to deepen their abilities in connection and develop their powers as healers. For a powerful free tool to explore your inner world, please check out his adjunct site http://thestoryofthis.net(Permission is granted to reprint this article, unedited, provided proper attribution is made and the signature line -- the above resource paragraph -- is kept intact)
Category : Self-Improvement:Grief-Loss
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